Help Wanted Ad for President of the United States (7/23/07)
by Dean Hartwell
Help Wanted Ad
Job Title: President of the United States
Salary: $400,000 per year
Location: Washington, DC
Official Qualifications:
Thirty-five years of age or older
Natural-born United States Citizen
Resident in the United States at least fourteen years
Real Qualifications:
Willing to go to war, even when not a last resort
Connected to leading industry leaders but not many average citizens
Ready to raise obscene amounts of money
Has knack for spinning bad news
Will vow never to uncover ugly United States secrets
Says we are on “God’s side”
Does not question support for War on Drugs and War on Terrorism
Would resort to fixing an election to achieve or maintain power
OK with the secret use of the CIA, NSA, and who knows what else
Can give lip service to environmental and human rights concerns
Will betray those concerns in making trade agreements