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On this week’s show, Lori Hartwell and Stephen Furst explore the realities of
dating while living with kidney disease. Their guests are Jenny Huey and Mike
Herrera.
Jenny is a young woman on peritoneal dialysis who has had two kidney transplants
and is single. Mike, who is in his early ‘50s and has been out of the dating
scene for a while, is currently enjoying his first transplant.
Speaking from personal experience, Lori, Stephen and their guests reassure
listeners that a diagnosis of chronic kidney disease (CKD) does not mean that a
person cannot enjoy all of the pleasures that life has to offer, including
dating and marriage. In fact, springing the news on someone that you have CKD
can actually help separate the wheat from the chaff.
“You do learn very fast who your friends are, who’s going to stick by you, and
who’s going to love you for you,” says Jenny.
Lori agrees, pointing out that there are “a lot of jerks” on the dating circuit,
and that by telling them you have a chronic illness (though not necessarily on
the first date), you quickly find out who is worth pursuing. With some potential
suitors, says Lori, “You tell them that you have kidney disease and they leave
skid marks! The good news is, you meet the nice people who really want to get to
know you. It taught me what real relationships were.”
So, when do you tell the person you’re dating that you have CKD?
“When I first started dating, it would be the first thing out of my mouth,” says
Lori, “and I don’t think that’s really a good idea. It’s like a self-fulfilling
prophecy: ‘I don’t think I’m worthy, and let me tell you why.’ I think it’s
really important that you share all of your gifts and then say, ‘Oh, by the way,
I have kidney disease.’
“If you make that the central focus of your life,” adds Lori, “people are going
to reject you, because that’s how you perceive yourself, as a kidney
patient...but that’s about the 20th thing down on the list. We have so many
other gifts and talents.”
This week’s show offers other helpful hints on dating, such as scaling back what
you do while on a date. For instance, if you’re feeling a bit sluggish, suggest
an activity other than bike riding. Take in a movie instead. Enjoy a walk along
the beach!
